Is Superbird right? (Idiot Slobalts)

[SLSduke82]

The night is warm and cloudless, and I stand my front porch, frustrated. Into my other pocket I reach and find no key. Nor in my Saturn, which sits parked, always wanting to be driven.

"Dammit," says I.

I search my house and find nary a window unlatched and realize I have, indeed, locked myself out. From my pocket I withdraw my cell phone and dial up my roommate.

"Be home in an hour," says he.

"All right." A kink in my plans, a wrench into the spinning gears of life. Until, of course, I cast a glance sidelong at my Saturn.

Drive me, she purrs.

"Okay." Into my Recaros I slip snuggly.

A turn of the key, and the engine turns over and settles into a gentle drone. Carefully I back out, smiling now since driving is my drug.

Out of the neighborhood I putter, keeping the car under wraps, lest any neighbors grumble and moan about the little Saturn that can.

Faster, she says. Please.

"Just hold on."

Onto the safety of a four-lane highway I find myself. Windows down, air rushes into the cabin and I snick-snick-snick through the gears.

Now?

"Now." And into 2nd I drop the tranny and mash the throttle to the firewall.

Inside the engine bay the little mill winds to wicked life, screaming: "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

I smile.

And somewhere a child wakes from a nightmare consisting of a demonic dentist with a giant drill. And somewhere an old lady poops her pants. And somewhere a ricer looks into his rearview with eyes widened.

But I'm miles away, now tooling along sedately.

Minutes pass, and my car and I are one, enjoying our unplanned time together.

Ahead a light turns red, and lo! I find myself rolling to a stop beside--I squint--a Cobalt SS/SC and, trailing behind him, a Cobalt SS. The former looks clean and stock while the latter sports a muffler big enough to sleep inside, and a wing stolen from a 747.

Cool, I think, stopping beside my car's cousin.

I glance over to tell the young lad "nice car," when I behold he and his passenger staring at me and my car. With eyebrows raised and snickers perched on their lips.

Can this be? Can it truly? Do they not know our cars are related? Are they of the genus dubbed Tools?

Indeed they are, for the passenger says: "Nice car!" This is said sarcastically, followed by chuckles from both.

Behind me the fartcan farts. It sounds like this: Blatttttt.

"Dude," says I, "are you serious?"

"Nice Saturn," the driver of the Cobalt SS/SC says.

"Oh my God," says I. "You've got to be kidding me. We've got the same--"

VROOOOOM, says the Cobalt SS/SC.

Get them, she says.

Okay, I think, and say: "You do realize we've got the same damn car? But chances are I'm faster."

"Right," says the passenger.

Rolling my eyes I look away and await the green.

The light changes.

And off we go, and on him I pull. And pull. And pull.

Not feeling much more daring I let off, as does he. They roll beside me when--

--the passenger flicks me off.

"Nice Chevy!" says I, and downshift, spinning my tires in 2nd.

And the last thing they see, I suppose, is my bumper, which says:

Saturn.

[Keyser Soze]

nice. Ocassionally the bird is right. But when it comes to the balts, he's right on.

[Blown 4-banger]

Just takes the right balt to roll up on. Garentee if you pulled up next to me (before I blew it up) you wouldn't be the one doing the pulling

[SLSduke82]

Cause our traps are so vastly different? And my et's are lower? And my car's rolling?

[djt81185]

Originally Posted by Blown 4-banger

Just takes the right balt to roll up on. Garentee if you pulled up next to me (before I blew it up) you wouldn't be the one doing the pulling

See when u gain traction u generall lose trap speed...thats how drag racing works

He went 13.7@107 to ur 14.1@107

He only has 5 mods (intake, 60s, 2.6", cat delete, my tuning) to your a lot of mods as well lol

People in glass houses shouldnt throw stones

(I think that fits here...idk always wanted to say it in something)

[handyjoe]

Originally Posted by djt81185

See when u gain traction u generall lose trap speed...thats how drag racing works

He went 13.7@107 to ur 14.1@107

He only has 5 mods (intake, 60s, 2.6", cat delete, my tuning) to your a lot of mods as well lol

People in glass houses shouldnt throw stones

(I think that fits here...idk always wanted to say it in something)

+1 on usage of stones saying. Well done.

[KruxRedline]

Now that was a telling I liked to read.

Don't mess with the Duke. Wish I had the to octane to rig up a dan specable RL.

[WickedSS2005]

I had a very similar experience. Except the kid in the ss/sc swore I couldn't have an ss/sc cause I didn't have the big wing. Dummy didn't know you can use different spoilers like my rksport 3pc..... needless to say I got the 'ol finger when my car pulled on him at the next light..... Some people are just dumb.

[superbird]

he wrote a fucking poem

[Caboose]

poetry sucks! but that was a good read. Superbird be happy he helped along the war on Cobalts.