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I thought this was funny so I decided to share it with everybody.
Help Yourself
100 self-help books you can do without
By Todd Levin, Jason Roeder, Mike Sacks, Ted Travelstead
SHELF IMPROVEMENT We recommend you avoid these helpful titles
1. He's Just Not That Into You: He's Into Your Hotter, Less Whiny Friend
2. Tuesdays With Maury Povich
3. Seven Habits of Highly Successful Dock Whores
4. The Book About Angels for Morons
5. Suck It Up: No One in the Sudan Has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
6. Chicken Soup for the Impotent
7. Six Weeks and $80,000 in Elective Surgery to a Better You
8. All I Really Need to Know I've Ignored Since Medical School
9. Suicide: Do It
10. The Tapeworm Diet
11. AIDS, SchmAIDS
12. A Friendly Guide to Cockfighting
13. Who Moved My Bowels?
14. 101 Things You Might Have Accomplished If You Could Travel Back in Time to the Moment You Began Reading This Book Title
15. A Box Facing Southeast: Feng Shui for the Homeless
16. 101 Inspirational Speeches to Deliver During a Race Riot
17. What the Bible Says About Asians
18. The Postpartum Depression Coloring Book
19. Anal Only: Raising Your Christian Teen as a Technical Virgin
20. Bill O'Reilly: Who's Lookin' Out for Your Loofah Zone?
21. Feel Better With Lard
22. Tokyo on $750 a Day
23. 1,001 Vocabulary Words to Memorize But Not Grasp the Nuances of
24. Seducing Women With a Little Guile, a Positive Attitude, and $1,000,000 in Cash
25. Shut Up About Your Dead Wife! Dating After 60
26. Really, Must You? Sex After 70
27. Artist, Inventor, Genius: How to Think Like Leonardo (DiCaprio)
28. Buy Low, Eat Crayons: Stock Market Advice From a Retarded Person
29. The Three Numbers That Just Might Help You Win Powerball
30. Breaking the Yeast Curse With Deepak Chopra
31. The Joy of Grave Robbing
32. Everything You Always Wanted to Know About the Opposite Sex but Were Tasered for Asking Previously
33. Loving What the Hell's Her Name? A Guide for the Parent of the Unexceptional Child
34. Conquer Loneliness ... One Flamboyant Moustache Style at a Time
35. The South Coney Island Beach Diet
36. gary iz a fag: The Collected Wisdom of Public Bathroom Stalls
37. I'm Okay, You're Suffering From an Incredibly Rare Strain of Tuberculosis
38. Children's Unopened and Unanswered Letters to God
39. The Elusive Male Orgasm
40. tracy u need to get YOUR OWN MAN cuz you a skank!: The Collected Wisdom of Public Bathroom Stalls for Women
41. Conflict Resolution, the Pol Pot Way
42. "I'll Give You Something to Cry About": Insights and Inspiration From Alcoholic Dads
43. Steroids Made Easy!
44. 12 Days to a Thinner, Weirder-Looking Penis
45. 20 Places to Visit Before They're Ethnically Cleansed
46. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (And It's All Small Stuff), Unless You're Reading This in a Burn Unit
47. The Child of Your Field Hockey Coach Has Two Mommies
48. The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amputation
49. Zen and the Art of the Segway Personal Transporter Maintenance
50. So, You're Attracted to Grandma
51. I Beat Cancer Using the Power of Laughter and a Rigorous and Painful Schedule of Chemotherapy
52. If You Don't Buy Exactly 73 Copies of This Book, Something Terrible Will Happen: Mastering Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
53. What Color Are Your Parachute Pants?
54. Shittin' Pretty: Get Rich the Drug Mule Way!
55. 437 Middle-Age Women Share Anecdotes About Menopause for Some Reason
56. Flavor Flav's Illustrated Kama Sutra
57. God's Great! (Can He Help Me With My Gas?)
58. Dr. Phil Grudgingly Fulfills His Publishing Contract: The Audiotape
59. Your Values Are Just So Sickeningly Bourgeois: An Oberlin Sophomore Sets You Straight
61. Break Your Caffeine Addiction! ... One Crushed Ritalin Tablet at a Time
62. Yesterday Was Yesterday: Living Each New Day as if You Hadn't Already Ruined Your Life
63. Neurosurgery for Dummies
64. Six Weeks to Thicker Ankles
65. Some Women Are Also From Mars: Learning to Love a She-Male
66. Are You Sure You Want Seconds? Instilling Your Child's Eating Disorder
67. Jewing Your Way to the Top
68. 101 Half-Truths to Tell Your Mother About the Nursing Home
69. The All Food Court Diet
70. You Have No Idea What Sadness Is, Young Man
71. 101 Reasons Everyone Hates Your Stupid Face
72. The Lonely Planet Guide to Second Life
73. The Buttafuoco Touch
74. I Live in the Woods Beneath a Sheet of Corrugated Cardboard—And You Can, Too!
75. Drink Yourself Married
76. Natural Cures Using Counterfeit Pharmaceuticals They Don't Want You to Know About
77. "I Am a Highly Successful Internet Entrepreneur," and 300 Other Ironclad Lies for Your 20-Year High School Reunion
78. Coping With Your Hideous Vagina
79. "This Yo Bitch Talkin": Helping Your Pimp Help Hisself
80. Unlocking the Genius You've Kept in Your Basement for Two Years
81. "Why Are You Hitting Yourself?! Why Are You Hitting Yourself?!": Self-Esteem Training From a Former Schoolyard Bully
82. YOU: Grimly Eating Lunch Alone in Your Car
83. The Four-Minute Workweek: Sell Your Semen!
84. Complaining Your Way Into His Heart
85. I Think Def Leppard's Pretty Rad, Too: Communicating With Today's Teenager
86. The Enlightened Nut Vendor
87. Move the Fuck to Florida, Already: A Commonsense Approach to Seasonal Affective Disorder
88. Goodbye, Mr. Stinky Pinky: How To Stop Smelling Your Privates In Public
89. Curing Your Child's Schizophrenia Using Found Household Items
90. I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Get Off My Face
91. No-Nonsense Investment Tips From an Assistant Manager at Radio Shack
92. Sorry, Only Happy People Can Get Pregnant
93. Controlling Your Rage With Arson
94. Nostradamus' Predictions About Your Shitty Life
95. The Dalai Lama Wants You to Have a Jet Ski
96. Now What, Ya Asshole? Life Counseling for the Recently Fired
97. Multitasking While Weeping
98. Prance Away the Gay
99. A Spiritual Solution to That Rash on Your Thigh
100. The Great Imam Achmad Hamid, Praise Be His Name, He of the Islamic Republic of Iran, His Honorable Guide to Lovemaking
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10-26-2007, 01:37 PM
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